How to embrace your singlehood ?
How to embrace singlehood like a boss?
Ohh yes ! I wanted to write this post for a while now but I kept procrastinating (don’t know why) but here I am, single and ready to embrace it ! Writing a post about how to enjoy your « single » life.
The reason why I am writing this post is because often I hear so many people complaining about them being single, thinking that they’re gonna find the absolute happiness if they were in a relationship. Also, I see some people as well who look so desperate and jumping from a relationship to another just because, according to them, being single is a nightmare and a sign of solitude and loneliness. While me, in the other hand, who spent most of my life single and love to spend time with myself, see singlehood as a time of self-discovery and adventure where massive growth and evolution can occur.
To make long story short, I’m writing this post for the sake of all these people who hate being single and maybe don’t understand the meaning and the importance of singlehood, sharing with them my own favorite ways that I used to start embracing my singlehood.
So here are the tips that y’all been waiting for :
1) Define what being single means to you
Growing up we get messages from our families, friends, society and media about love and marriage. With all of these other voices and opinions it can be tough to hear your own voice and your own thoughts so you can determine what you really want for yourself. Just because your co-worker or your friends believes single = lonely doesn’t mean it’s true.
You decide what is true or not true for you. That’s the best part of being an adult, you get to decide how you think about things and then act accordingly. If you decide that to be single = sad and lonely then it will be for you but if you choose to see it as an opportunity to grow as a person, being single takes on a whole new meaning.
2) Work on yourself
Begin to frame your single status as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity during which you can charge ahead, consciously creating the life and love you want. As I said, singlehood is a time of self-discovery and adventure where massive growth and evolution can occur so begin to work on your insecurities. Figure out what you want to change about yourself and start working on it. Deal with your past trauma, your personal issues, all the deep stuff that maybe you are not aware of. If you have been in a relationship before, well that’s the perfect time to reflect on it and realize what went wrong.
To be honest, and in my opinion, that’s the best part about being single, because you get to do all of this « deep cleansing and changing self-work » (as I like to call it) which prepares you for better healthy loving relationships and friendships in the future and allows you to live a more happy successful and fulfilling life.
As it is the best part, it is also the hardest part ! Because you can’t do all of this « deep cleansing and changing self-work » by yourself. So I recommand you to do like I did and invest in therapy. Trust me, just do it ! It’s gonna change your life, your way of thinking, your behaviors,…everything !!
3) Remind yourself of your value
Let’s be honest, it feels good when you’re in a relationship. It validates you and reminds you that someone out there likes (loves) you and wants to spend time with you. The thing is you are who you are in a relationship or out of a relationship. You have to remember that you’re special and loveable and just because your single doesn’t negate your value as a person. Always remind yourself that you are enough (alone and in a couple) and that you are whole and complete just by yourself.
One of the things that I did to remind me of my value everyday (and that you can do too) is reading positive affirmations everyday like « I am enough », « I am whole », « I am loved »…
Check out this post too: “20 DAILY SELF LOVE AFFIRMATIONS”
And you can also do the next tips as well to help you remember your value !
4) Do things alone, for you and with yourself !
You don’t want to wait to start doing the things you enjoy until you have someone to do things with all the time. Go eat outside alone, go to the movies alone, travel alone, go shopping alone. When you do things alone you get to make all the decisions. Most importantly, when you do things alone you’re opening yourself up to a new experience. Also, remember that being alone and being single are not the same. And being alone is not like being lonely. You can be in a committed relationship, yet be extremely lonely. So be mindful about who you are, who you want to be, and who you want to meet.
Exercise: Make a list of all the things you’ve never tried doing them alone and start doing them from now on. Yes, you may feel a little self-conscious and it may feel weird at first but remember you determine what “being alone” means to you.
Check out this post (it might be helpful): “5 WAYS TO SPOIL YOURSELF”
5) Don’t wait to be in a relationship
I think you understand by far that being in a relationship doesn’t mean being happy. So stop waiting for a partner to come to fulfill your needs, your lacks, to help you heal, to make you happy, and to love you. That’s why I said in the beginning invest in a therapy, because with the help of the therapist and your own efforts, you will stop having these expectations and those needs and you will start to learn how to be your own lover and friend. It’s a long process that has some ups and downs, but it’s absolutely worth it !
So if you are the type of person who dreams about so many things and won’t do them until you have a partner, I’m telling you right now that your life is happening right now at this very present moment so don’t put off your dreams or goals based on your relationship status.
You can’t assume that things will be easier or better because you’re doing it with a partner. We all tend to think that things are automatically “better” when we’re in a relationship. But here’s a thing : It’s not better or worse…it’s just different. And different isn’t a good enough reason not to go out and live your best life right now.
One of the things that I start doing that helped me realize this (what I’ve just said) is taking myself on solo dates. Yes, cuz I remember saying to myself one day : « I’m not going to be waiting on someone to ask me on a date, I’m going to take myself on a date, and I’m going to do it once a week and make it a habit that even if I will be in a relationship, I will keep doing it cuz that way I will make myself feel valued, loved, appreciated and fulfilled. »
So make that promise to yourself, go on and take yourself out for movies, brunches, hikes, or even bowling. You need to understand that you are whole and complete. You don’t need anyone else. The moment you realize this, you would find eternal bliss in solitude.
6) Follow your dreams
This is something that you should keep doing even if you are in a relationship ! Never stop neglecting your passions. What is the one thing that sets a fire in you? It can be anything – writing, cooking, painting, cycling, dancing, singing, or even collecting seashells. Take some time out and start working on your passion. It will heal your soul and help you in more ways than you can imagine.
Or make a list of all the goals you want to accomplish and start working on them – and never stop working on them, whether you are in a relationship or not. One last thing is not to be afraid to be single. It is seriously not as sad or daunting as people may seem to make out of it. Use the time to develop yourself into your best self-possible. Find out who you are completely without dependence on others. Learn how to do things alone as well. Well if you can’t be comfortably alone with yourself, why must someone else be? And remember that when your single life is full and fulfilling, you won’t cling to another for your happiness, fulfillment or adventure. You will notice when someone is adding to your life, or depleting it. Take note if your life has less with someone else in it—true love only adds to your life. You only want to be in a relationship with someone because you want someone to share your happiness with instead of wanting someone to make you happy.
