5 ways to stop comparing yourself to others
5 Ways to stop comparing yourself to others
As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I am sure the idea of not comparing yourself with others is not entirely new to you. Likely you have heard it dozens or even hundreds of times. I’ve struggled with it most of my life, and I’m pretty sure you can relate to that as well! Comparing yourself to others is one of the easiest ways to feel bad about yourself. You see what others are doing on social media, at work, and on television. Everyone seems to be more accomplished and better looking, has a better job title and a nicer home, is more physically fit and wealthier, or just seems to be having a better time in their lives. So then you start to compare yourself unfavorably to them. These negative comparisons are the path to unhappiness. They make you feel jealous, inadequate, and inferior. They cause you to make poor decisions. They cause you to feel greater stress, anxiety, and depression. In short, making comparisons with others just sets you up for failure. This is something I’m still working on myself. However, I can share with you some specific steps I’ve taken and principles I’ve applied to my own life to help me take my eyes off of other people and put them back on creating a life I love. So here are 5 ways to stop comparing yourself to others!
1. Practice gratitude
Gratitude always forces us to recognize the good things we already have in our world. This one habit changed everything for me. Since last year, I started to do this simple exercise every morning where basically every morning when I wake up, I would say out loud 10 things I’m grateful for (BTW I count them with my fingers LOL) Those were the first 10 things that came to mind. What started as a simple gratitude experiment has grown to encompass every kind of joy—both big and small—that floods my life. You can write them as a list as well if you want. This will really help you focus on what you do have and on what you are already blessed with. So count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to have the people in your life who care about you, to be alive at all.
Check out this post too: “5 ways to show gratitude “
2. Understanding that getting what you want won’t bring you lasting happiness
For me, one of the hardest parts about comparing myself to other people is the dissatisfaction I feel with being where I am. I look at other people’s success (and the happiness I perceive accompanies it) and I want it. Then, inevitably, my gaze turns inward toward my perceived lack of success. This can be disheartening, to put it mildly. Once this happens, I start questioning all the choices I’ve ever made. I start to feel dissatisfied with what I do have. And I have a less positive outlook for the future.
It’s a nasty cycle that most of us get caught up in, yet we’d all rather avoid. How? It starts by recognizing that getting what you want doesn’t cause lasting happiness.
Just consider how many desires you’ve had satisfied over the course of your life. You got that ice cream cone you wanted as a child; you passed that important exam back in university; to got that great job you desperately wanted; you met a wonderful partner.
The fact is we have succeeded in life. We have had our desires satisfied. Yet, none of them have imparted any lasting happiness to our lives.
The same is true about comparing ourselves to others. We compare ourselves because we desire what they have, but getting what they have won’t make us happy. What we continuously fail to notice is that happiness isn’t bought or earned by our successes, any more than sadness or joy or anger.
So keep in mind that happiness is a feeling that comes from within and it is not and it should not be related to your successes and your possessions.
3. Learn to compete with yourself instead of others.
Instead of focusing on where you are compared to others, focus on your own goals. Where are you compared to where you were at this time last year? Or five years ago? I always love to take some time for me and start reflecting on how much I changed and grew over the last few years.
In the past year, you’ve learned, stretched, improved, accomplished and created. Think about how much of that you’ve done in your lifetime!
4. Have boundaries around how much time you spend on social media.
Comparison through social media can have a massive effect on our mental well-being. Here are some boundaries you can put in place to protect yourself:
– Unfollow any accounts that tend to make you feel bad about yourself.
– Set a timer and allow yourself to scroll for 30 minutes. When time is up, step away from social media.
– Turn off your phone when you’re having dinner with your family and friends. Being fully present with them will make everyone happier!
– When you feel a pull to check social media, ask yourself why. Are you bored, uncomfortable or seeking affirmation? What can you do to feel better instead?
5. Understand that life is a journey
When you look at someone else’s success, you only see the result, not the effort. You may be looking at years of effort, comparing your beginnings to their end. To achieve the success you desire, you need to walk the road to success. It never helps to jump to the end and make comparisons to those who have arrived. So focus on the journey. Don’t focus on how you rank in comparison to others — life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on a journey, to find something, to become something, to learn, to create. That journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what you want to do, and where you want to go. That’s all you need to worry about.
